I caught Glee again last night and it was the episode where Ryder was diagnosed with dyslexia. That episode made me think since I first saw it a couple of weeks ago.
I have always teased my brother for being stupid. When we were growing up, I had almost no patient in teaching him in his homework and lessons. I was always the bright one– I didn’t need a tutor way back then. I get my lessons right away and I didn’t need to study for exams because I know I would pass the test and get the highest scores in class. My brother, on the other hand, didn’t like studying. He preferred to watch TV and play outside (who does not), and it is such a chore for him to study. There was a time that we couldn’t find a tutor for him so I ended up as his tutor.
Every time we sat together to deal with his homework, I almost always ran out of patience.He had a hard time reading, I always knew that because he couldn’t read quitely. He had to mumble the words he is reading. I almost always pushed to the point that I would yell at him and call me names. STUPID. Tanga. Bobo. Hindi Marunong. I even taunted him all the time when he annoys me. Those are hard words and I always did that. He graduated high school, luckily, but I do think he has difficulty in reading (His messages to me were like ‘bisaya’, i replaced by e, o with u etc, even though we both grew up here in Manila).
There is a huge gap between me and my brother right now. He knows how to really annoy me. I want to annoy him but I cannot, so instead of losing my patience, and end up crying during our argument (I cry when I am really angry), I just don’t want to be with him. I rarely go home at our house in Bulacan. I do not plan to stay there for longer than two days. I think that gap between us is because of my name-calling and taunting.
That Glee episode made me think: What if my brother has an undiagnosed dyslexia? To be fair with him, he is street smart. He can be more witty than me. What if I taunted him too hard that he gave up trying at all. I feel guilt right now.
I feel sad.